After weeks of struggling to figure out what his son really wants for Christmas, Bellevue High School goth Brennan Kowalski assured his father that the look of disappointment he gives every time his son descends the stairs in bondage pants is more than gift enough this holiday season.
“It really doesn’t take much to fill me with the darkness I live in with delight,” said the sophomore Satan-worshipper. “All it takes is witnessing the Christmas spirit actively leave my father’s body.”
Brennan’s father, who he only calls Tom, said he’s willing to offer much more for his son to make their Christmas merry and bright in their modest $1.5 million Bellevue bungalow.
“Every time I ask Bren what he wants—a car, a skateboard, some music lessons—he just rolls his eyes and calls me a boomer,” said Tom Kowalski. “I was born in 1981.”
At press time, Brennan’s father was still last-minute Christmas shopping at the back of a Southcenter Mall Spencer’s buying black lipstick and hair dye with what security cameras confirmed is the biggest and most confusing look of love and disappointment on his face yet.
