Citing five crashes of the popular Find It, Fix It app since five new City Council members were sworn in and Sara Nelson was made Council President yesterday, city website administrators are reminding residents the correct place to express their renewed dissatisfaction in who runs their city is at the ballot box.
“The Find It, Fix It app is for reporting things like demolished bus stations that won’t get even slightly addressed until after city resources are used to demolish an entire community-run Black Lives Matter memorial garden at Cal Anderson Park first,” said the city’s website and digital app administrator Tad Weebly. “It’s not for expressing how mad at us you are that you couldn’t be bothered to take an election ballot that was mailed straight to you last fall, fill it out with some decent choices, and put it back in your own mailbox postage-free. Rest assured you can, however, keep complaining on social media about how you keep letting rich assholes in Laurelhurst and Broadmoor decide who run this place.”
The city announcement has reportedly not slowed down Find It, Fix It app reports on city councilmembers at all yet though.
“Well, why does it feel more effective than voting then?” said Delridge resident Sarah Canary, who has submitted 12 such reports in the app since learning Rob Saka somehow got elected to represent her district in November. “I get 300 characters in which to truly express my rage. I also don’t have to research any better options or take responsibility for making a decision myself – just complain about what I don’t want. That’s more up my alley. I’m hoping if I report this issue enough, I’ll eventually see a random someone else improve the council seat with a person who does more than Mayor Bruce Harrell’s technocratic, fauxgressive bidding.”
At press time, an anonymous source confirmed at least half of the Find It, Fix It app reports were just Mayor Harrell and Council President Sara Nelson still desperately trying to blame all of the city’s problems on now former City Councilmember Kshama Sawant.
