A new public health study out today found that smoking filtered cigarettes significantly reduces the risks of directly inhaling air in Seattle.

“In addition to removing tar from your cigarette, our data shows it’s also able to remove harmful fumes from forest fires, burning rubber, dead wildlife, yard chemicals and more,” said Belltown-based air quality researcher Dr. Sheryl Lindberg. “I mean I guess you could also wear an N95 mask, but ugh, can you say lame? #OverIt.”

Experts say they hope this new data will inspire more people to pick up smoking to protect themselves from breathing. For those who already smoke, doctors suggest smoking even more.

“If you’re not chain-smoking right now, I’m worried about you,” said King County Public Health Director Dr. Sandra Valenciano. “I strongly advise against anyone’s unprotected lungs raw-dogging this air.”

Hoping to encourage more people to start smoking, today elected officials staged a “smoke-out” with Governor Ferguson puffing Virginia Slims and King County Executive Girmay Zahilay rolling cigarettes with hand-made paper filters.

When asked whether smoking filtered cigarettes could also prevent the spread of cyclospora, the CDC officially confirmed “sure.”

Previous articleLeftist US World Cup Team Fan Promises to Go Back to Being Ashamed of Country for 4th of July
Next articleLocal Woman Just Thinks Flaming Forest Could Find More Peaceful Way to Protest Climate Change