WSDOT Opens Single Occupancy Lanes for Cybertrucks
Dangerously single male Cybertruck drivers now have their own single-occupancy “X Lanes” to quickly connect them from their solitary tech-bro jobs to their empty...
Some Asshole Still Setting Off Blue Angels
Several days after Seafair ended, some asshole is reportedly still setting off Blue Angels over your neighborhood.
“God, I usually try to be understanding of...
Local Woman Just Thinks Flaming Forest Could Find More Peaceful Way to Protest Climate Change
Although she totally believes global warming is an immediate existential threat to many, local woman Sherry Hayes said she thinks forests could protest climate...
Experts Find Smoking Filtered Cigarettes Reduces Risk of Breathing Seattle’s Air
A new public health study out today found that smoking filtered cigarettes significantly reduces the risks of directly inhaling air in Seattle.
“In addition to...
Next Seattle Police Chief Already Fired
Today Mayor Katie Wilson announced she’s already fired Seattle’s next police chief after he somehow teargassed Capitol Hill, deleted public records, hired someone to...
Despite Striking Resemblance, Green Lake Confirms No Relation to D.C. Reflecting Pool
After people all over the city couldn’t resist asking once noticing their remarkable resemblance, today Seattle’s Green Lake confirmed there is no relation between...
Crazy Socialist Mayor of Seattle Says Cars Not Allowed to Drive on ‘Trains-Only’ Train Tracks
As if Seattle’s crazed socialist mayor hadn’t oppressed the city’s car drivers enough already with new bus-only lanes for her Route 8 stretch limo,...
Fuck! Starbucks Agrees to All Union Demands and Now We Have to Drink Their Coffee Again
In supposedly fortunate news after years of union-busting, Starbucks suddenly made a 180 and agreed to all of Starbucks Workers United’s union demands, forcing...
Bellevue Homeowners Say Light Rail Noise on I-90 Ruining Area’s Peaceful Freeway Ambience
A group of Bellevue homeowners are telling Sound Transit that the low hum of the new light rail line across Lake Washington has completely...
Spike in Gray Whale Deaths Attributed to Lack of Police in Ocean
As scientists continue to investigate why gray whale deaths have spiked up and down the Pacific coast this year, local law enforcement officials confirmed...
