Spike in Gray Whale Deaths Attributed to Lack of Police in Ocean
As scientists continue to investigate why gray whale deaths have spiked up and down the Pacific coast this year, local law enforcement officials confirmed...
Blue Origin Goes Rogue, Blows Up Another Billionaire’s Launchpad
For the second night in a row, the team behind Bezos-founded space rocket company Blue Origin has gone rogue by following up their explosion...
Orcas Getting a Little Sick and Tired of Being Asked to Solve All Your Billionaire Problems
After yet another week of hearing humans ask them to sink billionaire yachts for them, today local orca pods announced they’re getting a little...
Alki Beachgoers Stunned as Low Tide Reveals Studio Apartment with Rent Under $800
During the lowest tide of the year this week, Alki beachgoers in were treated to the rare discovery of a studio apartment renting for...
Study Finds Siren-Related Deaths Among Sailors Way Down
In more proof that crime rates aren’t as high as people make them seem sometimes, today a study confirmed that Siren-related deaths among sailors...
Millionaires Tax Payers Assured They Only Need to Cut Back on Lattes to Afford Fifth Home
Future Millionaires Tax payers panicked about how they’re ever going to afford their fifth home if they have to one day pay a 9%...
Seattle Mayor Apologizes to Starbucks, Thought It Knew Everyone Here Hated Them Already
After weeks of Starbucks leadership telling every major newspaper in the country how mean Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson’s been to them by publicly not...
Pigeon Does Some of His Best Shitting by Carwash
Known for his big, white, splattery shits that cover the passenger side window, all the way down to the rear car door handle, fans of...
Seattleites Pumped for First Day of Sunburn
With swimsuits, boats and paddleboards at the ready to end a 3-day June weekend on a high note, today Seattleites all over the city...
Mariners Father’s Day Game Welcomes Dads to Walk on Field and Admire Well-Kept Lawn
Inspired by the annual Run Around the Bases event, today the Seattle Mariners began a new Father’s Day Game tradition of inviting local dads...
