Future Millionaires Tax payers panicked about how they’re ever going to afford their fifth home if they have to one day pay a 9% tax on all annual income over $1 million were assured today that all they have to do is cut back on a few lattes.
“I know times are hard, but just like we’ve been telling millennials for decades now, all you need to do to afford a home is cut back on a few lattes for a few decades,” said financial advisor Hank Bentley. “By just cutting back on little luxuries that, avocado toast, or giving that transphobe hedge fund manager Brian Heywood your money by the dumptruck, you’ll have your fifth home in no time.”
While some dutifully started cutting back, other millionaires were skeptical that’s all it would take to more easily afford another home.
“If I’m getting my math correct here, I don’t think in my entire lifetime that would ever add up to even a down payment on a shack in Yelm, let alone a fifth house on waterfront property,” said local VP Andy Skaggs, as he crunched some numbers at a poolside table in the backyard of his Madison Park home. “I’m barely scraping by here with only four $5M houses. At this rate, I’m afraid I’m never even going to own a superyacht.”
At press time, local financial experts said they had full confidence future Millionaire Tax payers to carefully budget to figure something out and, if they can’t, can always spend the rest of their lives trying to convince themselves and others that they’re so glad they moved to Tennessee.
