After months of doing his best to pretend he’s ever given a single actual shit about women’s sports, today local transphobe and Washington Sex Verification Requirements for Female School Sports Initiative supporter Rick Petty admitted he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep this up.
“I want to keep acting like I care about protecting women in sports long enough to get IL26-638 passed this November, but I don’t know if I can hold out another six whole weeks,” said Petty, wiping sweat off his brow from the effort it took for him to act like he cares about his daughter’s high school girls basketball game. “It’s getting harder by the day to keep passing off how afraid I am of being attracted to underage trans girls as caring about young women’s safety. I guess I just have to remember how much I want to bully any girl who doesn’t look feminine enough while playing sports into having a doctor verify she has a vagina.”
For Petty, the challenge of pretending to care about women excelling safely in sports until Election Day is one he wakes up to at home every morning.
“It’s not just that I’ve had to pretend I want to watch women’s sports, that I’ve had to pretend I support my daughter doing something as healthy and empowering as sports,” Petty said before taking a deep sigh. “Can’t wait until all this is over and I can get back to being passive aggressive about my daughter’s athleticism because I’m afraid that means she’s lesbian.”
At press time, Petty was still doing his best to keep up the act by expressing how horrible he thinks it is that a trans athlete edged a local young high school girl out of 13th place in bowling because she was clearly on her way to greatness.
