Home Blog
Microsoft Worker Still Thinks He Can Convince Friends to Use Bing
In the middle of a heated argument over the name of the actor who played Mr. Belvedere, 34-year-old Microsoft UX Designer Steve Ashby tragically...
Tower erected above Amazon Spheres set to ejaculate Prime Air drones
The anticipated expansion of Amazon’s empire came to a head this morning when the company announced the tower erected above its Spheres is now...
Local Transphobe Not Sure How Much Longer He Can Pretend to Care About Women’s Sports
After months of doing his best to pretend he’s ever given a single actual shit about women’s sports, today local transphobe and Washington Sex...
New AI Literacy Program Awards Students Free Pizza If They Don’t Know How to Read Books Anymore
Thanks to a generous new grant from Microsoft and the Gates Foundation, a new AI literacy program is awarding Seattle students a free personal...
Ed Sheeran Opener Replacing Macklemore Already Dropped for Saying ‘Free America’
Just hours after Macklemore announced he’d been dropped by Ed Sheeran’s Loop tour for saying “Free Palestine,” his replacement has reportedly also already been...
Mayor Wilson Accused of Being Witch After Making Both Route 8 Bus and Denny Car Traffic Faster
Business leaders across the city came together today to accuse Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson of being a witch after somehow making both a bus...
Google Maps Shrugs, Renames Lake Union to Lake Confederacy
With a listless sigh and helpless shrug, today multi-trillion-dollar Alphabet subsidiary Google Maps pre-emptively bent over and renamed Seattle’s Lake Union to Lake Confederacy....
Bumbershoot Crowd Walks Out After Investigation Finds Festival Named After Umbrella
All Bumbershoot attendees walked out of Seattle Center en masse today after an investigation confirmed the music festival was named after an old-timey term...
Bumbershoot Threatened By Smaller, Upstart Festival ‘Rain Jacket’
Organizers for this Labor Day Weekend’s Bumbershoot are reportedly still struggling to compete with newer, smaller, and more lightweight music festival “Rain Jacket” as...
New PNW Edition Prius Includes Extra Mirrors to Watch Drivers Behind Them Go Nuts
Today Toyota revealed its all-new, highly anticipated 2027 Pacific Northwest Edition Prius, which for the first time ever comes with extra mirrors so that...
Car-Free Pike Place Market Pilot Deemed Too Successful to Continue
Citing positive feedback and increased foot traffic that grew day after day for a year and a half, next week the car-free Pike Place...
Local Millionaire Investing in AI Can’t Wait to Blame Future Bankruptcy on Millionaires Tax
Today millionaire Nat Keller expressed full confidence and excitment that he’ll one day be able to blame his future bankruptcy on Washington state’s future...
