Shit: Time Warp Back to When Dolly, Tim Curry and U.S. Constitution Were Alive Not Working
Despite multiple attempts at just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right, putting their hands on their hips, bringing...
Bezos Balls Return to Natural Color After Busting a Union
Leaves weren’t the only things changing colors today in Downtown Seattle as people walking by Amazon’s headquarters witnessed the usually blue Bezos Balls return...
Traffic Cops Now Issuing Mariners Tickets to Improperly Parked Cars
Beginning this week, Seattle traffic cops and parking enforcement officers will be fining parking violations with tickets to Mariners games.
“The typical $80 fine just...
Shocking Report Finds Cle Elum Actually Nowhere Near Enumclaw
Despite seeming like nearby rural cities that were both named by a pioneer named Cleetus, a shocking report released today confirms that the communities...
Netflix Releases New Documentary About Whistleblowers Who Worked at Boeafsjkfdsjjajkffdsjfdhfhjjklklllllllllllll
Editorial note: Author could not finish piece due to a severe headache. We would finish it but we have no idea what they were...
Mariners Kick Off Football Season with 0-22 Shutout Loss Against the Brewers
The Seattle Mariners kicked off the fall football season Tuesday night with allowing the Milwaukee Brewers to score three touchdowns plus a conversion in...
Zuckerberg Superyacht Ignores Distress Call from Boat That Saw Naked, Sunblock-Slathered Zuckerberg
Mark Zuckerberg’s superyacht once again this week ignored a distress call from a nearby boat calling to report potentially permanent blindness of everyone aboard...
Lime Abandons Disastrous E-Unicycle Sharing Program
Today Lime officially abandoned its ill-fated e-unicycle sharing pilot program in Seattle and will not be expanding to other cities, citing “more cracked skulls...
‘That Actually Happened in Unincorporated King County,’ Reports Guy from Enumclaw
Tonight a guy from Enumclaw reported that, for what it's worth, it actually happened in Unincorporated King County.
“It actually happened about five miles north...
Sound Transit Threatens to Unleash Dark Rail If Riders Keep Ignoring Posted Warnings
Today local public transit authority Sound Transit officials said that if light rail riders keep ignoring posted warning signs about standing at a safe...
