Leaves weren’t the only things changing colors today in Downtown Seattle as people walking by Amazon’s headquarters witnessed the usually blue Bezos Balls return to their natural tan color after busting a union.
“Wow, you can tell how hard it was for them to hold back and not bust a union during Labor Day-related events for the first half of September,” said Hank Johnson, after seeing a celebratory geyser of fluid explode from the top of an Amazon HQ building. “I didn’t realize how tense the Bezos Balls were before—they look so relaxed now.”
The balls didn’t stay that way for long, however, as Amazon prepares to squeeze its workers for everything they’ve got this upcoming holiday season even as the number of them on food stamps has tripled.
“It’s actually very rare to see the Bezos Balls not blue because Amazon is always on the hunt for busting another union,” said local business analyst Peter Smalls. “Most corporations don’t have the juice to bust more than one union a day but Amazon is still a relatively pretty young corporation and they’d bust many more unions a day if they could.”
At press time, the Bezos Balls were so desperately blue again that, in lieu of another union, they’d reportedly already busted their $26.3 million record set last year for anti-union lobbying.
