Man Waving Pride Flag Like Wand at Egypt-Iran World Cup Match Accidentally Turns Both Teams Gay
Just as Egyptian and Iranian national soccer team officials had feared when they first learned they would be playing each other at Seattle’s World...
World Cup Tourist Blissfully Unaware Every Seattle Limebike Seat Now Covered in Fremont Taintjuice
One World Cup tourist blissfully unaware every Limebike seat he rode on today was covered in a naked Fremont Solstice Parade reveler’s taintjuice over...
Next Seattle Police Chief Already Fired
Today Mayor Katie Wilson announced she’s already fired Seattle’s next police chief after he somehow teargassed Capitol Hill, deleted public records, hired someone to...
Sun, World Cup Convince Socially Repressed City to Come Out as Extrovert
After finally being convinced by the sun and the World Cup to live their truth, this week socially repressed Seattle bravely came out as...
Paleontologists Believe Early Ford Raptor Had Feathers
After years of debate, Washington State University paleontologists believe a fossil just discovered at The Gorge finally proves that the early Ford Raptor did...
New Seahawks Owner Assured He Still Gets to Own 49ers on Game Days
Although he had to sell his 3.1% minority stake in the 49ers in order to buy the Seahawks for a record $9.612 billion, today...
Bumble Bees at Sequim Lavender Festival Baked AF
As is tradition in their annual pilgrammage to celebrate puffing their favorite strain of bud, today bumble bees at the Sequim Lavender Festival by...
ICE Agent Finds Right Guy
After shooting two innocent fathers dead in the street this last week who ICE admits weren’t even the right guys, today an ICE agent...
Polymarket, Kalshi Now Taking Bets on Fights in Ferry Lines
Just in time for World Cup tourists to make things more interesting this weekend, prediction markets Polymarket and Kalshi announced they are now taking...
Seattleites Frantically Search for Plausible Excuse to Cancel Plans with World Cup
Although initially looking forward to it when they put it on their calendars four years ago, today Seattle residents realizing the first World Cup...
