Landlord Wouldn’t Have Rented You This Apartment If They Knew You Were Gonna Be All Uptight About Needing a Front Door
A local landlord was left in disbelief today after one of the tenants had the nerve to complain about their missing front door.
“After all...
Millionaires Tax Erases Only Advantage of Living in Sad, Barren Wasteland
Today the area’s richest residents and corporations came together on the Seattle Waterfront to announce that the Millionaires Tax—which would make a small fraction...
Tennessee Legislators Demand Genital Check of Starbucks Mermaid
Starbucks’ bumpy road to relocating much of its workforce to Nashville, Tenn. continued today after the state’s transphobic legislators demanded a genital check of...
New Public Bathroom Startup Innovatively Pays People to Regularly Clean, Maintain Them
The City of Seattle has finally opened four new portable public bathroom units in Pioneer Square operated by a startup company that keeps the...
Judge Orders Everyone to Know This Piece of Shit from Covington, Not Seattle
This week a Seattle judge who ordered the man that threw a rock at an endangered monk seal return to Hawaii for court also...
Supreme Court Votes 6-3 to Officially Change Market Name to Pike’s Place
People all over Seattle today were horrified to discover that, hidden amongst last week’s unpopular Supreme Court decisions, was a 6-3 vote that has...
Supreme Court Overturns Law of Gravity
In a 6-3 decision the Supreme Court declared the law of gravity unconstitutional, effectively ending the centuries old practice of not floating into space.
"The...
Chonkers Tells San Francisco He’s Just Up in Seattle on Business
After days of San Francisco wondering where its newest seaside celebrity, Chonkers, has been, today the gigantic 2,000-pound sea lion let them know he’s...
Laurelhurst Generously Agrees to Let Sick Children Live
After two weeks of deliberation, today the esteemed Laurelhurst Community Council generously agreed to let sick and severely injured airlifted children live instead of...
Sound Transit Projects Light Rail System Completion at End of Cenozoic Era
To the relief of many Seattle metro area residents today, Sound Transit bumped up the completion date of all pending light rail projects to...
