The City of Seattle has finally opened four new portable public bathroom units in Pioneer Square operated by a startup company that keeps the bathrooms nice through the innovative use of paying people to regularly clean and maintain them.
“For years, this city has struggled to find a way to open more public bathrooms without having to ultimately close them because they got too dirty and damaged,” said Mayor Katie Wilson of the units that will cost the city about a half a million dollars a year. “So we were naturally excited to work with Throne, this revolutionary new startup company that somehow figured out that paying someone to reguarly clean and maintain public bathrooms after every 12-16 uses actually keeps them clean, stocked and maintained.”
To carry out its innovative cleaning, stocking and maintaining techniques only a private, third-party company like Throne could figure out how to do, it only hires highly qualified “Operations Specialists.”
“See, cities were doing public bathrooms all wrong before – they were hiring these losers called janitors and maintenance workers and then often even giving them union-negotiated pay and benefits,” said Throne CEO Mike Yeps. “We on the other hand have operation specialists leveraging the power of cleaning, stocking and maintaining the facility way more than once a week for minimum wage.”
At press time, city leaders could only assume their bathrooms at City Hall are cleaned overnight by some sort of magic that only works on their bathrooms.
