Seagulls, Pigeons Cheer Return of Tourist Trash to Seattle After Dismal Summer of 2020
After a tough summer last year, seagulls and pigeons say plentiful sights of tourists’ irresponsibly discarded gum packages, Piroshky Piroshky wrappers and Starbucks cakepop...
NextDoor Creates Certification Program for Identifying Fireworks Versus Gunshots
After years of residential confusion, NextDoor announced today it’s launching an official online certification program to help people with no better way to waste...
Woman Reports Living in Renton Really Not That Bad
Friends of Renton resident Rachel Hensley are concerned tonight after she reported during happy hour that living in her current city really isn’t that...
Passengers Banging in Amtrak Bathroom Join New Low Club
Forgoing the classic thrills of the mile high club, one adventurous couple decided to hit a new low today after banging in the bathroom...
Dave Chappelle, Elon Musk Refuse to Use They/Them Pronouns for Trans-Siberian Orchestra
After getting booed for 10 minutes straight at a San Francisco show earlier this week, brave free-speech activists Dave Chappelle and Elon Musk found...
Local Woman Quickly Running Out of Spaces to Organize
Friends and family are growing increasingly concerned for one local woman who is dangerously close to running out of closets, drawers and shelves to...
Baseball Lockout Threatens Mariners’ Missed Postseason Streak
With news that the first two series of the season have been cancelled due to the Major League Baseball (MLB) owners continued lockout of...
Scientists Discover Aging Reversible After Local 38-Year-Old Recognizes More Than 3 Names on CHBP Lineup
Scientists made the groundbreaking discovery today that a person’s age can be reversed by as much as 20 years after local 38-year-old, Sarah Hawkins,...
Pete Carroll Replaces Gum with Turkey Giblet
Looking to rebound from the recent retirement announcement of his longtime chewing gum, today Seahawks coach and chronic masticator Pete Carroll revealed what’s already...
Last Street In Seattle Open To Traffic Now Closed For Repairs
The Seattle Department of Transportation announced Monday afternoon that 4th Avenue — the only street in Seattle that was still left open...
