Study Finds Siren-Related Deaths Among Sailors Way Down
In more proof that crime rates aren’t as high as people make them seem sometimes, today a study confirmed that Siren-related deaths among sailors...
Pigeon Does Some of His Best Shitting by Carwash
Known for his big, white, splattery shits that cover the passenger side window, all the way down to the rear car door handle, fans of...
Seattleites Pumped for First Day of Sunburn
With swimsuits, boats and paddleboards at the ready to end a 3-day June weekend on a high note, today Seattleites all over the city...
Mariners Father’s Day Game Welcomes Dads to Walk on Field and Admire Well-Kept Lawn
Inspired by the annual Run Around the Bases event, today the Seattle Mariners began a new Father’s Day Game tradition of inviting local dads...
Nation’s White Dads Announce Plan to Chop Some Shit Up on Father’s Day
Immediately following a trip to Ace Hardware to get their barbecue propane tanks refilled, today the nation’s white dads announced their plan during a...
Trump Signs Executive Order Allowing US Men’s World Cup Team to Use Guns
In anticipation of the USA’s World Cup match in Seattle against heavily favored Australia today President Donald Trump signed an Executive Order allowing the...
Socialist Exiled from D&D Group After Trying to Split Party Again
After eight months of gaming session, local socialist Alex Raymond is once again looking for a new Dungeons & Dragons group because his attempts...
Mount Baker Station Celebrates Opening of New Park & Ride to Psychiatrist
After years of having absolutely no parking, today Sound Transit’s Mount Baker Station celebrated the opening of its new one-of-a-kind one-stall Park and Ride...
Sun-drunk Seattleite Accidentally Says ‘Hello’ to Stranger
In an embarrassing lapse of character, today a Seattle man who clearly had one too many hours out in the sunshine accidentally said “hello”...
Zuckerberg Docks Annual Salary of 1,400 Laid-Off Meta Workers in Seattle
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg surprised Seattle Tuesday night when the billionaire unexpectedly docked a massive, five-story annual salary of 1,400 laid-off Meta workers in...
