Furious Mayor Wilson Pounds Fist On Table Demanding Chalice Of NIMBY Blood
As her first act in office after her swearing in ceremony Friday morning, new Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson furiously pounded her fist on a...
Mount Si Celebrates Hosting One Millionth Second Date
State park rangers presented a surprised pair of hikers with a summit-top champagne toast today to celebrate the one-millionth second date held on the...
Gov. Ferguson Backs Millionaire Tax After Ghost of Christmas Future Shows Him Losing In 2028 If He Doesn’t
In a stunning 180, today Gov. Bob Ferguson announced his support for a state income tax on millionaires after the Ghost of Christmas Future...
Nation Just Kinda Assumed Pacific Northwest Always Lived in Giant Puddle Like That
Asked why no one outside the state of Washington seems to care enough about its flooded communities that just lost everything they own right...
West Seattle Woman Posting About Importance of Community Doesn’t Know Names of Any Neighbors
As unverified rumors of ICE agents in the Seattle area circulated and got more people thinking about what they’ll do if they really do...
Phew! Armed Racist Assholes in Bulletproof Vests Just Local Cops
Panic about ICE taking over Seattle en masse next settled down today after it was discovered the racist assholes in bulletproof vests rumored to...
Emergency Declared After President Actually Declares Emergency When Blue State Asked
A local emergency was declared today after President Donald Trump and Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem actually approved a federal emergency declaration...
Gates Foundation Researching Cure for Associating with Pedophile
Today the Gates Foundation announced it would make an unprecedented $9 billion investment in an ambitious set of global health research goals this year,...
Local Apathy Levels Off The Charts According To Study We Almost Did
In what would have been a landmark study, Seattle levels of apathy and indifference have reached historic highs, according to survey data yet to...
Dominatrix Adds Tracking Seattle Mayoral Election Results to BDSM Repertoire
Today local dominatrix Madame Payne announced that she’s officially added tracking Seattle mayoral election results to her BDSM repertoire.
“For my clients with a kink...
