Report: Architects Just as Confused by Rainier Tower as We Are
Decades after the construction of a downtown Seattle skyscraper long-touted as one of the most structurally sound buildings on the West Coast, architects are now admitting they are just as confused by the Rainier...
Disgruntled Local Bus Driver Lowers Ramp at Every Stop Just to Piss Everyone Off
Veteran King County Metro driver Bernard Davis is in hot water with no less than five Route 48 riders for continually using the accessibility ramp at each of his stops -- clearly, they say...
Discovery Park Blackberry Bushes Pick Off Straggling Jogger
A relaxing after-work jog turned deadly for one man today after he fell behind his jogging pack and was picked off by the voracious blackberry bushes engulfing Discovery Park.
“It all happened so fast—one minute...
Eligible Voter Sitting Out Local Primary So They Can Hate General Election Options Enough to Not Vote in That Either
In what experts at democracy are calling a move of pure genius, local eligible voter Noah Clark is sitting out today’s local primary election so he can hate this November’s general election options enough...
‘I’m from Seattle,’ Says Liar from Shoreline
In an astonishingly false statement, today local Shoreline resident Jeffrey Willows announced to a set of strangers that he is from Seattle.
The statement came after Willows introduced himself to a group of people at...
Fremont Troll Reinstates Bridge Toll
Citing the skyrocketing cost of living in Seattle, today the Fremont Troll announced he’s officially reinstated his bridge toll.
Not everyone will have to pay as the Troll says his randomized toll payment system involves...
12 Hospitalized After Gum Wall’s ‘Take a Piece, Leave a Piece’ Promotion
A “Take a Piece, Leave a Piece” promotion at Seattle’s Gum Wall that failed to specify which gum tourists were supposed to take has left at least 12 hospitalized today with illnesses ranging from...
Mercer Island’s Second Cougar Sighting This Week Alarms Residents
The second sighting this week of a cougar prowling this usually safe, residential enclave has Mercer Island families clutching their children and dolla, dolla bills a little tighter tonight.
A surprising first sighting took place...
Ballard Resident Almost Gets Through Filling Out Local Primary Ballot without Using Vomit Bucket
Today one Ballard resident almost became the Evel Knievel of local primary voting when he almost got through filling out his entire ballot without vomiting.
“I thought I had mentally and physically prepared myself enough...
Seattle Homeless Disguise Themselves as Trees in Effort to Get Protection from City
As a result of Seattle's recently passed ordinance to protect most trees within city limits, unsheltered residents living in Seattle have taken to disguising themselves as red cedar, oak, white pine, cherry, and other...
