Today one Ballard resident almost became the Evel Knievel of local primary voting when he almost got through filling out his entire ballot without vomiting.
“I thought I had mentally and physically prepared myself enough for this moment, but kept the vomit bucket close by just in case because I knew that District 6 City Council portion was gonna be a doozy,” said David Garcia, wearily wiping his mouth. “I easily got through King County Prop. No. 1 with an approval, easily got through King County Council District 4 with Jorge Barón, then just had one more vote to clear hopefully without throwing my guts up—my dreaded District 6 vote for Dan Strauss. I knew I had to—oh God not again, I can’t even think about it without, excuse me—HORBLARGHUGHAH.”
To avoid the same fate voting for Strauss because—although almost completely spineless—he has a record of being relatively more progressive and informed than any other District 6 options, Garcia’s neighbor Chris Snubbins said he’s choosing to not vote at all.
“Voting for the lesser evil is always stupid and pointless as we’ve all learned every tortuous year since 2016,” said Snubbins. “I look forward to also not voting in the general to maximize how much I can complain that Sara Nelson’s got a new best friend voting in lockstep with her at every Seattle City Council meeting.”
Meanwhile, several District 7 daredevils voting for Andrew Lewis tomorrow are hoping for better luck as voters with easier choices like Tammy Morales, Ron Davis and Maren Costa kick back and watch sipping lemonades.
