Many know that corpse flowers like the one hundreds flocked to sniff during its rare bloom at the Bezos Balls over the weekend are famous for smelling exactly like rotting flesh. But did you know the entire reason the flower was placed inside the Bezos Balls in the first place is to mimic the actual scent of Jeff Bezos’ smelly balls? It’s true!
“When we were first constructing the Bezos Balls back in 2017, we asked ourselves, how can we best give people who walk into this space the same feeling of awe one experiences when personally tea-bagged by the second richest man in the world right after he worked out?” said Louise Henry, lead architect of the public monument to a CEO’s testicles. “It’s a privilege everyone in his inner circle including myself has had at least once. So, when we wanted to share this experience with the world, we researched countless options: Cattle manure pit, fish scrap-fed compost piles, lutefisk, but nothing quite matched his damp, sour, and floridly rancid scent perfectly until we came upon Titan arum—the corpse flower.”
The Bezos Balls currently houses two corpse flowers, Mortician and Bellatrix, each named after two of Bezos balls.
“We fully intend to acquire a third corpse flower that will of course eventually be named after Bezos’ superfluous third ball—the one that brought forth such genius into the world as the name ‘Climate Pledge Arena,’” said Henry. “Honestly, this flower doesn’t hold a candle to the way Jeff’s synthetic gym shorts smell after his personal trainer Tom Brady is done with him, but it’s both as close as we could get and as close as most can get without getting knocked out cold.”
Henry, who is also lead architect for current Amazon CEO Andy Jassy’s in-construction Glassy Assy in South Lake Union, confirmed that her new project will also mimic the smell of Andy Jassy’s asshole as soon as they can find a flower that smells exactly like Mayor Bruce Harrell’s lips.
