West Seattle Woman Posting About Importance of Community Doesn’t Know Names of Any Neighbors
As unverified rumors of ICE agents in the Seattle area circulated and got more people thinking about what they’ll do if they really do...
Phew! Armed Racist Assholes in Bulletproof Vests Just Local Cops
Panic about ICE taking over Seattle en masse next settled down today after it was discovered the racist assholes in bulletproof vests rumored to...
Emergency Declared After President Actually Declares Emergency When Blue State Asked
A local emergency was declared today after President Donald Trump and Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem actually approved a federal emergency declaration...
Gates Foundation Researching Cure for Associating with Pedophile
Today the Gates Foundation announced it would make an unprecedented $9 billion investment in an ambitious set of global health research goals this year,...
Local Apathy Levels Off The Charts According To Study We Almost Did
In what would have been a landmark study, Seattle levels of apathy and indifference have reached historic highs, according to survey data yet to...
Dominatrix Adds Tracking Seattle Mayoral Election Results to BDSM Repertoire
Today local dominatrix Madame Payne announced that she’s officially added tracking Seattle mayoral election results to her BDSM repertoire.
“For my clients with a kink...
Mt. Rainier Suffers Seasonal Affective Disorder, Will Winter in Tucson
Saying 500,000 years is long enough to stay in one place, Mt. Rainier announced today it’s relocating to the desert Southwest gem of Tucson,...
Atmospheric River Runs Wild Waves Out of Business
Admitting there was no way to out-compete the increasingly popular wet global warming phenomenon, today Wild Waves Theme Park in Federal Way announced it’s...
Federal Way Light Rail Extension Opens Stations in Star Lake and 5 Other Fictional Universes
Angle Lake is officially no longer the only Sound Transit light rail station that welcomes Seattle-area residents to the doorstep of a fictional universe:...
Harrell Argues Seattle Needs Mayor Who Can Afford Enough Childcare to Forget Own Child Even Exists
After KUOW reported the groundbreaking scandal that progressive Seattle mayoral candidate Katie Wilson’s parents have pitched in on childcare costs as she campaigns, today...
