Kristi Noem Fired After Attempting to Buy, Wear Seattle Hat ‘n’ Boots
President Donald Trump fired Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem today after discovering she had not only blown more than $200 million on...
Southern Resident Conservation Groups Against More Affordable Housing Just Assuming Orcas Also Racist
Assuming Southern Residents are just as afraid of living next to more coloreds and poors as they are, today a coalition of orca-loving conservatives...
Uninvaded Seattle Beginning to Feel Like Trump Doesn’t Even Think It Has Antifa Anymore
As the city watched the Trump administration focus its ire and extrajudicial forces on just about every other liberal bubble in the country, today...
Sara Nelson Shows Hunts Point Mayor Hiding from ICE Protests How to Run Public Meeting from Secret Bunker
After hearing Hunts Point Mayor Joseph Sabey canceled his affluent Eastside town’s next public meeting to avoid people protesting his renting of facilities he...
Bill Gates Clarifies He Only Hung Out with Child Sex Trafficker for Fun, Light-hearted Conversation
To put rumors to rest that he participated in Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo ring, today Bill Gates admitted to Gates Foundation staffers that he only...
Washington Considers Billionaire Axe
Today a proposed “Billionaire Axe” had its first hearing in Olympia as it heads to a state House vote, garnering wide support but also...
Mount Rainier Expected to Let Out Little Fart in Celebration of Ash Wednesday
Geologists surprised and overjoyed Catholics across the PNW today when they announced this morning that Mount Rainier plans to let out a little toot...
Melting Snowman Curses Eight-Year-Old Creator for Pain of Fleeting Existence
As the snow from Friday’s wintery flurry begins to slowly fade away, one deformed, half-melted snowman has cursed his eight-year-old creator for condemning him...
NextDoor Creates Certification Program for Identifying Fireworks Versus Gunshots
After years of residential confusion, NextDoor announced today it’s launching an official online certification program to help people with no better way to waste...
Scientists Discover World’s Dumbest Person in West Seattle Blog Comments
Today University of Washington researchers announced they have discovered the world's dumbest person in the West Seattle Blog comments section."This is an historic achievement,"...
