Doctor Called After University Bridge Stuck in Upright Position for Over 4 Hours
After getting stuck painfully throbbing up in the air for four straight hours today, the Seattle Department of Transportation admitted they had to call...
Apocalyptic Earthquake Headed for Seattle Stuck In Everett Traffic
Crisis was averted today as an apocalyptic, city shattering earthquake heading towards Seattle was halted in its tracks by an impenetrable Everett traffic-jam.
“We really...
New Study Shows Bellevue Exists Outside of Work Hours
A shocking new study conducted by a team of Seattleites who crossed the treacherous waters of Lake Washington by light rail over the weekend...
Lynnwood Removes Flock Cameras to Protect Identities of People Who Have to Live in Lynnwood
This week Lynnwood became the first city in the state of Washington to officially terminate its contract with Flock and remove all its cameras...
Billionaires Missing, Presumed Dead After Raft Fleeing Millionaire Tax Capsizes Off Mercer Island
A group of local billionaires is feared dead today after the Millionaire Tax refugees’ raft was seen capsizing off the shores of Mercer Island.
“Unfortunately...
Mayor Wilson Opens Mind to Adding Surveillance Cameras After Hearing They Can Help Find Lost Dogs
Although she opposed surveillance camera expansion along with the ACLU, Northwest Immigrant Rights Project and many other advocates last year during her campaign, this...
State to Offer Free Clinics to Help Oligarchs Navigate New Millionaire Tax
Panicking about how they’ll ever manage to make ends meet once Washington’s Millionaire Tax goes into effect, several local oligarchs were happy to learn...
Millionaire Tax Already Working
Billionaire, former Starbucks CEO, and man who sold the Seattle SuperSonics to Oklahoma City Howard Schultz announced this week he’s moved to Miami, proving...
Mount Adams Blames Extra Seismic Activity on Upstairs Neighbors
Although scientists from the U.S. Geological Survey have observed a sustained spike in seismic activity from Mount Adams recently including quakes three days in...
SPD Asks for Special Chair to Sit in If They Have to Just Watch ICE Brutalize People
Upset that they’re not allowed to help ICE agents violate people’s constitutional rights—only document them doing it—today Seattle Police Department officers asked Mayor Katie...
