Seattleites Pumped for First Day of Sunburn
With swimsuits, boats and paddleboards at the ready to end a 3-day June weekend on a high note, today Seattleites all over the city...
Nation’s White Dads Announce Plan to Chop Some Shit Up on Father’s Day
Immediately following a trip to Ace Hardware to get their barbecue propane tanks refilled, today the nation’s white dads announced their plan during a...
Socialist Exiled from D&D Group After Trying to Split Party Again
After eight months of gaming session, local socialist Alex Raymond is once again looking for a new Dungeons & Dragons group because his attempts...
Landlord Wouldn’t Have Rented You This Apartment If They Knew You Were Gonna Be All Uptight About Needing a Front Door
A local landlord was left in disbelief today after one of the tenants had the nerve to complain about their missing front door.
“After all...
Geese Can’t Believe How Much Crap Humans Leave in Grass
A flock of Canada geese looking to relax and picnic on a local park lawn today said they couldn’t believe how much crap humans...
Seattle Resident Applies Rain-X Directly to Skin to Avoid Needing Umbrella
Tired of needing an umbrella everyone makes fun of him for using to stay dry during real downpours, today one clever Seattle man applied...
Sound Transit Projects Light Rail System Completion at End of Cenozoic Era
To the relief of many Seattle metro area residents today, Sound Transit bumped up the completion date of all pending light rail projects to...
Ai Weiwei Exhibit at Olympic Sculpture Park Is Very Deep, and I Totally Get It
Ai Weiwei’s view-dominating homage to animal heads just installed at Olympic Sculpture Park is controversial—for SOME people, anyway. But me? I totally get it.
In...
Transplant Celebrating 10 Years in Seattle Fears It’s Too Late to Ask How To Pronounce Sequim
One transplant’s 10-year Seattle anniversary turned from nostalgic celebration to a source of anxiety today after he realized that he might have waited too...
‘Doesn’t Get Much Better Than This,’ Says Seattle Man Enjoying 37-Minute Window of Sunshine at Gas Works
After a long stretch of rain, one local man expressed his gratitude for a 37-minute window of sunshine he enjoyed at Gas Works Park...
