Just in case anyone forgot or has been too busy crocheting the visage of the nation’s favorite short-spined raccoon, today the nation was reminded that this is the last day you can talk about Jimothy.
“I know most of you already know, but just a reminder: The deadline for saying something witty or cute about Jimothy is Friday, Aug. 7 at midnight,” said Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson. “So, if you been procrastinating on doing it, please do enjoy that last Mariners Jimothy night with your Jimothy gear speculating on the backstory between him and T-Mobile Park’s Dumpster Danothy by tonight because, come Saturday, doing so will no longer be permitted anywhere, including Seattle. If you got a Jimothy tattoo, you can still keep it but you can’t force people to admire it anymore.”
Wildlife experts say the nation moving onto another animal to be obsessed with is what’s best for everyone including Jimothy, whose neighborhood has suddenly surged in popularity so much that his favorite dumpster at Ballard Goodwill is already getting gentrified into an apartment complex.
“Don’t worry—there’s a lot of other small, disabled or endangered animals who could use a turn wondering why so many humans are suddenly hunting them down just to stare at them,” said wildlife biologist Dr. Sarah Brothers. “And, just to be clear, none of them are crows or ravens – there’s a reason groups of them are respectively called murders and conspiracies.”
At press time, Americans were already dutifully beginning to turn their attention to the country’s next inspirational animal idol, Jessifer, a sassy manatee with back problems caused by obstructively massive tits.
