Man Worried All-Gender Bathroom Not Safe for Women Now That He’s In It
Today one brave, selfless man using an all-gender bathroom for the first time expressed concern for the safety of women now that he was in it.
“See, I pride myself on looking out for the...
Millennial Parent at Trunk or Treat Can’t Help But Feel Weird Telling Kid to Take Candy From Stranger in Van
One local millennial parent was struggling to adjust to new Halloween ‘Trunk or Treat’ traditions after years of being told to never take candy from strangers in a van.
“I know that this whole ‘Trunk...
Rain Brings Wild Couch Hunting Season to a Close
As the taut, frost-bitten nips of winter inch closer and closer to the Emerald City with torrential bouts of rain, local furniture foragers are lamenting the inevitable end to this year’s wild couch hunting...
Amazon Compromises, Allows Employees Working in Office 5 Days a Week 2 Work-from-Home Days on Weekend
After a national outcry from thousands of employees wondering why Amazon won’t allow hybrid work schedules anymore for anyone outside the C-suite, today CEO Andy Jassy announced a compromise that will allow people to...
OKCupid Seattle Scene Now Exclusively Exes and Exes of Exes
OKCupid (OKC) announced this afternoon that its Seattle subscribers will now be matched exclusively with their exes.
“We realized one of the main motivations of our customer base was to make a profile just to...
Return-to-Office Order Obviously Just Layoff without Severance
This week thousands of local workers received a return-to-office five days a week notice via an e-mail from Amazon that was obviously just a layoff without severance or unemployment benefits.
“Look, as one of their...
Home Depot Unveils New Line of Succulents That Only Need Water Every Other Weekend for Divorced Plant Daddies
In an effort to cater to their growing divorced plant-daddy demo, today Home Depot announced a new line of “Split-Custody Cacti” that only require water every other weekend.
“Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce,...
Dave Matthews Sees Shadow at The Gorge, Predicts 6 More Weeks of Summer
Thousands converged upon The Gorge Labor Day Weekend for their annual pilgrimage to see if singer Dave Matthews would see his shadow—and he did, predicting six more weeks of summer!
"It sometimes takes all...
PAX West Attendees Devoured by GameShark
Today tragedy struck PAX West, the largest gaming convention on the West Coast, when a number of attendees were devoured by GameShark."I don't know how to put it into words—all I can say is...
Fall Bitches Already Fondly Gazing at Summer’s Sweet Demise
An entire month before the first day of autumn, the Pacific Northwest’s most cinnamon-popping, gourd-decorating fall bitches are reportedly already smiling at the crisp, graying sky outside as they note every detail of summer’s...
