Study Finds Siren-Related Deaths Among Sailors Way Down
In more proof that crime rates aren’t as high as people make them seem sometimes, today a study confirmed that Siren-related deaths among sailors...
Pigeon Does Some of His Best Shitting by Carwash
Known for his big, white, splattery shits that cover the passenger side window, all the way down to the rear car door handle, fans of...
Seattleites Pumped for First Day of Sunburn
With swimsuits, boats and paddleboards at the ready to end a 3-day June weekend on a high note, today Seattleites all over the city...
Nation’s White Dads Announce Plan to Chop Some Shit Up on Father’s Day
Immediately following a trip to Ace Hardware to get their barbecue propane tanks refilled, today the nation’s white dads announced their plan during a...
Socialist Exiled from D&D Group After Trying to Split Party Again
After eight months of gaming session, local socialist Alex Raymond is once again looking for a new Dungeons & Dragons group because his attempts...
Landlord Wouldn’t Have Rented You This Apartment If They Knew You Were Gonna Be All Uptight About Needing a Front Door
A local landlord was left in disbelief today after one of the tenants had the nerve to complain about their missing front door.
“After all...
Sound Transit Projects Light Rail System Completion at End of Cenozoic Era
To the relief of many Seattle metro area residents today, Sound Transit bumped up the completion date of all pending light rail projects to...
Transplant Celebrating 10 Years in Seattle Fears It’s Too Late to Ask How To Pronounce Sequim
One transplant’s 10-year Seattle anniversary turned from nostalgic celebration to a source of anxiety today after he realized that he might have waited too...
Woman Reports Living in Renton Really Not That Bad
Friends of Renton resident Rachel Hensley are concerned tonight after she reported during happy hour that living in her current city really isn’t that...
Creeptozoologist Uploads Bigfoot Pics to WikiFeet
The field of creeptozoology took one big footstep forward today as local creeptozoologist Dan McDonald uploaded the first clear and confirmed photos of Bigfoot’s...
