‘The Weather Isn’t That Bad,’ Says Woman Using 6 Forms of Artificial Sunlight
According to one local woman who cocoons in at least six artificial forms of sunlight a day, Seattle weather reportedly “really isn’t that bad.”
“The whole lack of sun thing is sort of an urban...
Dry January Fully Supported by Boyfriend Who Won’t Go Down On You
One local woman says she’s less than a week away from finishing a successful Dry January, and it’s all thanks to being supported all the way through by her boyfriend, Henry, who doesn’t ever...
Area Geoduck Wonders How Naked Man Breathes Through That Little Thing
Upon seeing a naked man in all his glory for the first time after a local New Year’s Day Polar Plunge today, one area geoduck says he’s just wondering how that guy breathes through...
Local Businesses Lit Up with Red, Green, White and Black in Solidarity with Palestine
Bravely taking a stand with millions of starving civilians being indiscriminately bombed every day with no safe place to go or escape, businesses across Seattle have been illuminating their buildings with red, green, white,...
Cinerama Theatergoer Not Sure If Chocolate Popcorn or Timothée Chalamet Performance Causing Vomit
Mere minutes into the highly anticipated re-opening of Seattle’s Cinerama featuring the just-released Wonka, one troubled theatergoer ran to the bathroom and reported she doesn’t know whether the chocolate popcorn or the Timothée Chalamet...
Thousands of Santas Gather in Seattle to Crush Child’s Imagination Forever
Today a merry flurry of hundreds of red suits, white fur trim, long beards and jolly bellies came together in Seattle to crush one local child’s imagination forever.
“I was gonna ask for a new...
QUIZ: Did He Ghost You or Is He a Washington State Ferry?
Sometimes it's hard to know whether he ghosted you or is just another Washington State Ferry taking off without you. Take our quiz to help you figure it out.
He said he’d show up at...
Naked Tree Seductively Drops Final Leaf
Eyes popped and tongues rolled out of panting mouths shouting “awoogah” today in Seattle when one naked tree culminated its dazzling, three-month strip tease routine by playfully tossing aside its final leaf to the...
Inclusive Gentile Coworker Follows Up Generous Passover Challah Gift with Hanukkah Matzo
Ever the champion for inclusion and cultural diversity, local gentile coworker Todd Wilkerson impressed his Jewish colleagues today by following up his impressive gift of challah bread for Passover earlier this year with a...
Guy Who Kind of Knew Kurt Cobain Just Waiting for You to Ask About It
Patrons of Pioneer Square’s legendary Central Saloon are reporting that one of the bar’s regulars, a bearded man with flannel tied at his waist, is strongly giving off a distinct "ask me how I...
