Woman Has Quiet Night In with Husband, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, and Girlfriend’s Boyfriend
Beacon Hill resident Meghan Jones confessed tonight, after a long work week, that all she wants is a quiet, calm night in with her...
Seattle Fire Rescues Eddie Vedder Stuck in Tree
One local Eddie Vedder is safe and sound tonight after Seattle Fire rescued them from a high tree branch they somehow climbed up and...
‘The Weather Isn’t That Bad,’ Says Woman Using 6 Forms of Artificial Sunlight
According to one local woman who cocoons in at least six artificial forms of sunlight a day, Seattle weather reportedly “really isn’t that bad.”
“The...
Seattle Begins Ghosting Rest of Nation by Acting Weird Ahead of Valentine’s Day
Admitting it’s left them on read after winning the Super Bowl on Sunday, today Seattle confessed it’s begun ghosting the Nation by acting weird...
Ugh: Neighbor’s Fucking Saturnalia Decorations Already Up
In what feels like a tradition that arrives earlier and earlier
each year, seasonal Saturnalia decorations have already begun to spring up all
over Seattle.
“Look, I...
Geese Can’t Believe How Much Crap Humans Leave in Grass
A flock of Canada geese looking to relax and picnic on a local park lawn today said they couldn’t believe how much crap humans...
Slut Shaming? My Dog Bit the Mailman While He Was Wearing Those Hot Little Shorts
One man was left mortified today after his dog slut-shamed his local mail carrier while he was delivering the mail in those hot little...
Bill Gates Releases Epstein Island Reading List
To inspire evermore intellectual discourse and transparency about what high-minded topics one of the richest men alive is pondering these days, today Bill Gates...
Bernie Sanders Uses Captive Tacoma Audience to Unveil One-Man Performance of ‘Cats’
Bernie Sanders’ historic Tacoma Dome rally took a strange
turn last night as he took the momentous opportunity to premiere a self-produced
one-man production of long-running...
Millennial Parent at Trunk or Treat Can’t Help But Feel Weird Telling Kid to Take Candy From Stranger in Van
One local millennial parent was struggling to adjust to new Halloween ‘Trunk or Treat’ traditions after years of being told to never take candy...
