Home Depot Unveils New Line of Succulents That Only Need Water Every Other Weekend for Divorced Plant Daddies
In an effort to cater to their growing divorced plant-daddy demo, today Home Depot announced a new line of “Split-Custody Cacti” that only require...
Washington State Fair Ring Toss Prizes All Ivermectin This Year
At the opening of the annual Washington State Fair this Labor Day Weekend, fairgoers say they were shocked and, in some cases, pleasantly surprised...
Howard Schultz Orders Alderaan Starbucks Be Destroyed to Squash Red Cup Rebellion
As the Red Cup Rebellion continues to gain momentum across the galaxy, Howard “Darth” Schultz has reportedly ordered the Death Starbucks to destroy the...
Nation Reminded This Is Last Day You Can Talk About Jimothy
Just in case anyone forgot or has been too busy crocheting the visage of the nation’s favorite short-spined raccoon, today the nation was reminded...
High-Powered New Leaf Blower Moves 6 Whole Wet Leaves a Minute
Just in time for the late fall season’s soggiest and most stubborn damp leaves, an innovative, high-powered new leaf blower that just hit the...
Ugh: Neighbor’s Fucking Saturnalia Decorations Already Up
In what feels like a tradition that arrives earlier and earlier
each year, seasonal Saturnalia decorations have already begun to spring up all
over Seattle.
“Look, I...
Wrong Person Dies Again
Several reports are confirming that, once again, the wrong person has died.
“If you were hoping that if anyone died today that it would be...
Tech Employee Also Excited to Learn What He Does During Take Your Child to Work Day
After years of his daughter asking what he does all day at work, today local tech employee and father Mike Larson said he was...
Seattle Selfie Museum Unveils Tasteful Dick Pic Gallery
Seattle’s newest vainglorious attraction, the Seattle Selfie
Museum, announced today that it’s unsheathing its latest interactive exhibition
this week just in time for Valentine’s Day: The...
Indian Mom Influencers Ruin Holi Again by Only Letting Kids Throw Shades of Beige Gulal
Today a group of local Indian mom influencers once again ruined the Festival of Colors, Holi, as bad as mothers who ruin Easter egg...
