Doctor Called After University Bridge Stuck in Upright Position for Over 4 Hours
After getting stuck painfully throbbing up in the air for four straight hours today, the Seattle Department of Transportation admitted they had to call...
Apocalyptic Earthquake Headed for Seattle Stuck In Everett Traffic
Crisis was averted today as an apocalyptic, city shattering earthquake heading towards Seattle was halted in its tracks by an impenetrable Everett traffic-jam.
“We really...
New Study Shows Bellevue Exists Outside of Work Hours
A shocking new study conducted by a team of Seattleites who crossed the treacherous waters of Lake Washington by light rail over the weekend...
Trump Upstages Masters with Perfect Golf Stroke
Before Rory McIlroy could even enjoy his historic Masters championship win for 24 hours, today President Donald Trump upstaged the golf tournament winner’s victory...
Local Plant Addict Just Signs Paycheck Over Directly to Swansons Nursery
Following a year of ever-expanding home foliage, today one local man resigned himself to his crippling plant addiction by simply signing his entire paycheck...
Hilary Knight Accepts Invitation to Knock Out Rest of Jack Hughes’ Teeth
After sexist locker-room talk led to a contentious week between the US Men’s and Women’s Hockey teams, today the Women’s and Seattle Torrent Team...
Lynnwood Removes Flock Cameras to Protect Identities of People Who Have to Live in Lynnwood
This week Lynnwood became the first city in the state of Washington to officially terminate its contract with Flock and remove all its cameras...
U.S. Men’s Hockey Team Wondering If Kash Patel Really Has to Keep Staring at Them While They Sleep Like That
After a second night of FBI Director Kash Patel sleeping in the U.S. Men’s Hockey team’s bedroom, players are beginning to wonder if he...
ICE Agents Just Making Sure They’re the Only Terrorists at Airport
Today ICE began filling in for unpaid TSA workers at airports across the country to make sure that ICE agents were the only terrorists...
Billionaires Missing, Presumed Dead After Raft Fleeing Millionaire Tax Capsizes Off Mercer Island
A group of local billionaires is feared dead today after the Millionaire Tax refugees’ raft was seen capsizing off the shores of Mercer Island.
“Unfortunately...
