Mayor Wilson Opens Mind to Adding Surveillance Cameras After Hearing They Can Help Find Lost Dogs
Although she opposed surveillance camera expansion along with the ACLU, Northwest Immigrant Rights Project and many other advocates last year during her campaign, this...
Seahawks Sale Moves Forward After Seattle Successfully Binds, Gags Howard Schultz
Shortly after Jody Allen officially announced the Seahawks were up for sale today, cautiously optimistic Seattle sports fans waved forward the bidding process once...
Bill Gates Releases Epstein Island Reading List
To inspire evermore intellectual discourse and transparency about what high-minded topics one of the richest men alive is pondering these days, today Bill Gates...
State to Offer Free Clinics to Help Oligarchs Navigate New Millionaire Tax
Panicking about how they’ll ever manage to make ends meet once Washington’s Millionaire Tax goes into effect, several local oligarchs were happy to learn...
K-Pod Yacht Hunters Chart with K-Pop Bop ‘Sunken’
To the delight of their adoring fans, this week local K-Pod yacht hunters officially topped the charted Salish Sea waters with their new K-pop...
Joe Kent Resigns in Protest of Starting Wars Against Brown People Abroad Instead of at Home
Today former Washington Congressional candidate Joe Kent stepped down from his Trump-appointed counter-terrorism director position in opposition to the president’s war on brown people...
Trump Flies Over Emerald City Demanding Seahawks ‘Surrender Lombardi’
As Seattle gathered for its Super Bowl Parade Wednesday morning, onlookers gasped as President Donald Trump flew over the Emerald City demanding that the...
Millionaire Tax Already Working
Billionaire, former Starbucks CEO, and man who sold the Seattle SuperSonics to Oklahoma City Howard Schultz announced this week he’s moved to Miami, proving...
Skittle Rainbow Stretches Over Seattle as Curse Finally Broken, Beast Mode Avenged
Overgrown thorned blackberry bushes magically receded as a Skittle rainbow stretched over the city of Seattle, confirming the Seahawks Super Bowl curse was broken...
Environmental Hero Makes Fossil Fuels Too Expensive for Anyone to Keep Using
Accomplishing what no other green energy advocate has before, this month environmental hero President Donald Trump successfully created so much indefinite economic turmoil in...
