Shrieking Tucker Carlson Flees Bathroom After Saying ‘Antifa’ 3 Times in Mirror
Just as his network hit the highest ratings in cable news history, Fox News host Tucker Carlson was seen running and shrieking from his...
New Zealand Just Showing Off Now
While American COVID-19 cases continue to rise, life has returned to normal in New Zealand after successfully containing the spread of the virus, leading...
Early Voter Excited to Drop Off Ballot, Wait in Existential Dread for Next 3 Weeks
Upon excitedly dropping off her ballot today, local early voter Maria Lopez says she’s now thrilled to spend at least the next three weeks...
Ultralight Backpacker Removes Ribs to Save Weight
After years of downsizing his list of backpacking essentials, veteran ultralight backpacker Nathan Hurley said he’s ready to head out this weekend with his...
Trump Supporters Alarmed as Airplane Oxygen Mask Suddenly Deploys from Hairpiece
Despite the President’s fervent insistence that he feels better than he did 20 years ago, many of his die-hard supporters at today’s event on...
UW Frats Mandate Beer Bongs Must Be at Least 6 Feet Long
Following its second outbreak that now includes more than 200 students, University of Washington fraternities announced that from now on they will be mandating...
Kamala Harris Shows Off Domestic Side with Personal Recipe for Roast Pence
Ahead of Wednesday night’s Vice Presidential debate in Salt Lake City, Utah, career prosecutor and current U.S. Senator of California Kamala Harris proved on...
Man Kinda Wishes He Knew Second Stimulus Not Coming Before He Spent $49 on Single Turnip at PCC
A Fremont man returned from PCC with a nasty surprise today after discovering that a second stimulus check would not eventually be arriving this...
QAnon Wins Best Augmented Reality Game of the Year
After spending the year taking the nation by storm, today The Independent Gaming Association announced that QAnon has won Best Augmented Reality Game of...
Local Idiot Thought Presidential Debate Would be Perfect Way to End Gorgeous Autumn Day
To cap a day of golden sunshine and clear blue skies so glorious it may have beat the best weather days of spring and...
