Drone Using AI to Target Nation’s Greatest Security Threat Blows Up White House
In a completely tragic accident, today a drone using AI to target and take down the nation’s greatest security threat has mistakenly blown up...
‘You Didn’t See Shit,’ Local Says to California Tourist Witnessing Sunny Seattle Spring
As locals basked in sunshine utterly surrounded by greenery, flowers, sparkling waters, and unbeatable snow-capped mountain views almost too beautiful together to be true,...
Fife Unveils New Slogan: ‘Last Chance To Pee Before Tacoma Dome Traffic’
Fife unveiled their brand-new tourism campaign today after a savvy young city official stumbled upon a revolutionary new slogan, Fife: Last Chance To Pee...
Doctor Called After University Bridge Stuck in Upright Position for Over 4 Hours
After getting stuck painfully throbbing up in the air for four straight hours today, the Seattle Department of Transportation admitted they had to call...
New Study Shows Bellevue Exists Outside of Work Hours
A shocking new study conducted by a team of Seattleites who crossed the treacherous waters of Lake Washington by light rail over the weekend...
Trump Upstages Masters with Perfect Golf Stroke
Before Rory McIlroy could even enjoy his historic Masters championship win for 24 hours, today President Donald Trump upstaged the golf tournament winner’s victory...
ICE Agents Just Making Sure They’re the Only Terrorists at Airport
Today ICE began filling in for unpaid TSA workers at airports across the country to make sure that ICE agents were the only terrorists...
State to Offer Free Clinics to Help Oligarchs Navigate New Millionaire Tax
Panicking about how they’ll ever manage to make ends meet once Washington’s Millionaire Tax goes into effect, several local oligarchs were happy to learn...
Joe Kent Resigns in Protest of Starting Wars Against Brown People Abroad Instead of at Home
Today former Washington Congressional candidate Joe Kent stepped down from his Trump-appointed counter-terrorism director position in opposition to the president’s war on brown people...
Millionaire Tax Already Working
Billionaire, former Starbucks CEO, and man who sold the Seattle SuperSonics to Oklahoma City Howard Schultz announced this week he’s moved to Miami, proving...
