Fife unveiled their brand-new tourism campaign today after a savvy young city official stumbled upon a revolutionary new slogan, Fife: Last Chance To Pee Before Tacoma Dome Traffic.
“I had just shoved my Jimmy Dean into this Gatorade bottle after my third hour in traffic and thought that there’s got to be a better way,” said Travis Morris, newly appointed Tourism Director for the City of Fife. “I tossed the warm bottle into the pile in the passenger seat and then something caught my eye outside the window. It just hit me like a water balloon full of pee, it was the most beautiful thing I think I’ve ever seen. The proud forest green, the yellowed lettering, the way the road silt delicately rests upon its surface. Exit 137, WA-99; Fife; Milton. Gosh, it really rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?”
Morris knew that day that his life, and the lives of every resident in the Fife community, would be forever changed.
“Business is really booming in Fife right now, and it’s no small secret why: The sheer number of bathroom choices! They have a Chevron, a 76 and get this, two Shell stations. I don’t know why they need two but bless ‘em for it!” Morris said, yelling through a bathroom stall door while loudly urinating. “I pitched the new slogan to the City of Fife and they made me Tourism Director on the spot. The Lord truly does sprinkle his golden blessings down on his flock in mysterious ways.”
Not one to rest on his laurels, Morris is already envisioning his next campaign, Fife: Best Truckstop Crank This Side Of Pasco.
