Low-Paid Non-Union Assembly Sure to Stop Boeing Planes From Falling Out of Sky
In an effort to rebuild trust in its assembly line quality after cutting corners led to several of its planes falling out of the...
Man Still Phone Banking For Love of the Game
As most Biden-Harris voters settled down Sunday after a full Saturday of partying, local Democrat Timothy Finnegan is still phone banking for what he...
Nation Chooses Correct Addle-Brained Septuagenarian
State election offices are confirming America’s voters have somehow narrowly managed to choose the correct addle-brained, white male septuagenarian to lead the country for...
Hipsters Return Tattered and Covered in Soot After Attempt to Gentrify Everett
A brigade of dazed and despondent white hipsters stumbled back into Seattle tonight after a reportedly harrowing failed attempt at gentrifying the northern Seattle...
Seattle Residents Quietly Inquiring How Much Actual ‘Liberal Bubble’ Would Cost
With pre-election anxiety at an all-time high, Seattle’s residents have reportedly started to inquire what it might cost to dome this fucker up and...
Comforting Sense of Normalcy Returns to Seattle as Mariners Miss Playoffs
Following a tumultuous year for the city of Seattle, a comforting sense of calm and normalcy has returned to the city as the Mariners...
Man Relieved Axe Wielding Maniac Looming in Doorway is Wearing Mask
While public mask debates continue across the nation, a local man was reportedly quite impressed with the courtesy shown to him by the axe-wielding...
Seattle Excuses Self While it Kisses, Makes Sweet Love to Sky
Following two solid weeks of being socked in by hazardous wildfire smoke, everyone in Seattle has reportedly excused themselves to kiss and make sweet,...
#NeverBiden Camp Sends Thoughts and Prayers to RBG’s Family, All Women
Heartbroken at the loss of Supreme Court legend and equal rights warrior Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the #NeverBiden camp quickly sent her family—as well...
Shrieking Tucker Carlson Flees Bathroom After Saying ‘Antifa’ 3 Times in Mirror
Just as his network hit the highest ratings in cable news history, Fox News host Tucker Carlson was seen running and shrieking from his...
