With pre-election anxiety at an all-time high, Seattle’s residents have reportedly started to inquire what it might cost to dome this fucker up and let the rest of the country fend for themselves.
“Do you think we’d get a better rate if we got Portland to kick in for a bubble too so that we could buy in bulk?” said Seattle City Planner Heath Portis, poring over an Excel spreadsheet. “San Francisco and Berkeley would totally be in. Probably LA too, but fuck that. Ooo — maybe if we get Vancouver, B.C. in on this we can be one step closer to escaping to Canada!”
While city officials continued crunching the numbers, the general public hoped one of the city’s many wealthy benefactors might be available to expedite the creation of an enormous protective bubble over the city.
“Bezos has already erected a few domes in the middle of downtown, surely he could kick in to put an enormous Amazon sphere down over the city?” asked Seattle resident Jacob Herbert. “We wouldn’t even have to include West Seattle — no one’s been able to get in and out of there for months anyway.”
Needling reporters were able to confirm that Vancouver, B.C. had politely declined the offer, citing their desire to be as far away from America on November 3rd as their extensive border allows.
