Scientists Confirm Thanksgiving Gatherings Only Safe If Everyone There Voted for Biden
Liberal families across the country rejoiced today as CDC scientists confirmed that inviting friends and family over for Thanksgiving during a pandemic is totally...
Stuffing Turkey Most Intimacy Man Has Experienced Since March
Lacking any human touch since March, a Fremont man has experienced his first spark of intimacy in months today while stuffing and dressing his...
Local Woman Longs to Experience Other Bathrooms
Local woman Rachel Sellman confirmed witness reports today that her longing stares out rain-drenched windows are due to her endless craving for the novelty...
Woke Man Rushes to Make Amazon Purchases Ahead of Black Friday Boycott
Reportedly fed up with the capitalist greed plaguing America every holiday season, one woke Capitol Hill man spent the day preparing for his boycott...
Sight of Smoldering Mount Rainier Fazes No One
As Seattle couples, joggers and children took a break from 2020 news cycles and indoor quarantining to enjoy a crisp yet sunny fall afternoon...
Rudy Giuliani Slips From Shedded Skin to Elude Contact Tracers
CDC officials were left confused and thoroughly disgusted after former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani reportedly shed his outer layer of skin to escape the...
‘No, But We’re Really Strict with Our Pod,’ Says Woman in Six Pods
Having her pod of seven friends and their children over for Thanksgiving during the deadliest phase of the pandemic to date won’t be anything...
Patreon Online Real Fake Newsroom Workshop Discount
Want to be a real fake news (satire) reporter too? Join The Needling’s virtual/online 3-week real fake newsroom workshop!
Dates: Monday nights of June 1, 8,...
Exhausted Parents Consider Transitioning Son to Outdoor Child
Following eight exhausting months trapped inside with their offspring and attempting house-training, a Greenwood couple has reportedly begun preliminary discussions about moving their son...
COVID-19 Tests Positive for Donald Trump
Despite COVID-19 being 2020’s second most divisive public figure, the world has united to send its thoughts and prayers to the deadly virus after...
