Gov. Inslee Updates COVID Guidelines to Mandate Aaron Donald Must Stay 6 Feet From Russell Wilson
Ahead of today’s wild-card matchup between the Seattle Seahawks and the Los Angeles Rams, Governor Jay Inslee made a surprise announcement that he would...
December 2020 Refuses to Concede to January 2021
After President Donald Trump finally gave what was essentially a long-awaited concession speech Thursday night, the nation remains in limbo today as December 2020...
White House Officials Quickly Running Out of Buses to Throw Each Other Under
The White House descended into chaos today as its supply of buses to throw each other under ran critically low.
“We thought we had enough...
Republican House Representative Furious Attempted Coup Delayed Her Attempted Coup
Republican Washington State Representative Cathy McMorris Rodgers announced she’s furious that a giant mob’s action-packed attempted coup of the nation’s Capitol Wednesday delayed and...
Neighbors Still Setting Off Annoying Virtual Light Shows at 2 a.m.
Even several days after New Years, Columbia City resident Michael McFarlane says his neighbors are still rudely setting off bright virtual light shows from...
The Needling’s 2020 Real Fake News Corrections: We Regret the Accuracy
Here at The Needling we strive to uphold our credibility as a real fake news organization that only reports real fake news. Unfortunately sometimes...
Woman Breaks in Half Attempting to Stand Up After 14-Hour Netflix Binge
An enormous rumble shook the foundation of a Ballard home today when Beth Johnson stood up from a 14-hour Netflix binge to find that...
Washington State Decriminalizes Murder of Left Lane Slowpokes
Deafening cheers filled the streets Monday evening when Measure 187 passed in a special election with over 98 percent of Washingtonians voting in favor...
Man Returns to Toilet Paper Fort as Seattle Re-Enters Lockdown
Following Governor Inslee’s new lockdown order, a local man has returned to defending the toilet-paper quarantine fortress that engulfed his former living room earlier...
CDC Condemns Alleged Super-Spreader That Visited Every Home in Single Night
This morning the Center for Disease Control condemned the work of a potentially international coronavirus super-spreader who somehow visited every home in the world...
