Republican Washington State Representative Cathy McMorris Rodgers announced she’s furious that a giant mob’s action-packed attempted coup of the nation’s Capitol Wednesday delayed and upstaged her own attempted coup.
“I was all excited to join my other spineless conservative colleagues in attempting to throw out democratic election results so we could keep a psychopathic wannabe dictator in the White House,” huffed a weepy McMorris Rodgers, House Representative for Spokane and Walla Walla’s 5th District. “And then these assholes ruined everything! Look, I know long-winded Congressional speeches on CSPAN aren’t as sexy as they used to be, but did they really have to outshine us with guns, broken windows and fun selfies with police as the Capitol was stormed for the first time since 1812?”
The stunt angered McMorris Rodgers so much she backtracked on participating in the planned Congressional coup at all.
“Forget it – just forget it,” McMorris Rodgers said. “This is like that time I thought all of my friends were going to Prom together in my mom’s stationwagon, but then Melissa, Christie and Daphne took a limo with their boyfriends to get there instead without telling me! They’re not my friends anymore, and neither are you, you crazy Trump supporters! So mean … they could have at least given me a Trump flag to replace one of the Capitol’s American flags myself, you know? I just want to be included.”
At press time, a furious and sleep-deprived McMorris Rodgers was punishing the world for the injustice with yet another long-winded House floor speech no one wants to hear, respect or believe.
