President Announces All Mail-in Gifts Not Delivered By Christmas Don’t Count
In response to allegations that crippling the United States Post Office earlier this year to deter mail-in voting is now resulting in packages not...
Zoom Nutcracker Performance Includes Live Nutcracking on Living Room Furniture
In its new and original take on The Nutcracker, Pacific Northwest Ballet’s Zoom performances of the seasonal classic feature some of its most talented...
New COVID Conspiracy Claims Vaccine Contains Miniaturized School Bus Full of Children
Conspiracy Facebook groups across the internet are spiking with activity today after reports surfaced from conspiracy theorist ‘D33P St8 H8r’ that the much anticipated...
Cat Only Ornament Left on Tree
After weeks of fending off the inevitable, Capitol Hill pet owner Beth Stalworth announced tonight that her cat is now the only ornament left...
Patagonia’s New Pufferfish Puffy Expands When Attacked
Seeking to edge out its tight competition with other outdoor brands this year, today Patagonia introduced a first-of-its-kind Pufferfish Puffy that expands into a...
Wow! This Rare Arctic Snowy Owl Would Really Appreciate You Putting the Binoculars Down, Creep
A rare Arctic snowy owl roosting on a Queen Anne rooftop has been wowing local birdwatchers with her delicate white feathers, long wings and...
Gingerbread House Construction Delayed by Building Permit Backlog
Aspiring
gingerbread homeowner Hunter Franz, age 6, was devastated today when Mom of the
House confirmed that his custom-built vision would likely not get building
permits until...
Trump Presidential Library to Archive Full Collection of Discarded Republican Spines
Although there’s still no word on whether a concession speech is forthcoming from the Republican incumbent, an upbeat White House press release announced today...
‘The Virus is a Hoax,’ Says Local Saint Giving You Place in Line for Life-Saving Vaccination
As Seattle’s first round of COVID-19 vaccination shots arrived today, local good Samaritan and conspiracy theorist Doug Fenley proudly announced that he would kindly...
5 Ways to Be as Optimistic as a Cyclist Taking Up an Entire Lane of Traffic at Night
It can be hard to maintain optimism in a year like 2020. Fortunately, we have cyclists so optimistic about their chances of surviving another...
