Gum Wall Begins to Disappear as Vaccinated Residents Think ‘Sure, What the Hell’
Post Alley has transformed into a scene straight out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today as vaccinated adults ravage the once-beloved landmark, nibbling...
Guy Wakes Up at 5 a.m. to Tell Everyone He Wakes Up at 5 a.m.
Multiple sources are reporting this evening that local asshole and wannabe Bitcoin billionaire Justin Spencer has once again set his alarm for 5 a.m....
SPD Chief Vows to Punish Officers at DC Riot with One Last Month of Paid Administrative Leave
Following a report from Seattle’s Office of Police Accountability that confirmed today two Seattle Police Department officers were on U.S. Capitol steps and four...
‘Stupid Californians Priced Me Out,’ Says Stupid Seattleite Pricing Out Denver
A thorough investigation confirmed today that it was indeed thousands of stupid Californians moving to Seattle who priced out Josh Hastings, a stupid Seattleite...
Jeff Bezos Just Wondering If He Can Still Write Off MacKenzie’s Charitable Donations
After a year of witnessing his ex-wife MacKenzie follow through on her Giving Pledge commitment to donate most of her $38 billion divorce settlement...
‘Huh, West Seattle Bridge Is Closed Today,’ Says Ballard Resident Driving 99 South For First Time In Years
Upon venturing the ominous depths of Highway 99 South for the first time in years, Ballard resident Chris Brock found himself surprised and bewildered...
Seafair Hydroplane Racers Compete in Virtual Motorboating Event
Despite in-person Seafair events being cancelled by the pandemic for the second year in a row this year, local hydroplane fans were overjoyed to...
COVID-19 Sweeps ICU Floor Routine at Tokyo Olympics
Overcoming an active state of emergency and the valiant efforts of local healthcare workers, COVID-19 made history today after sweeping the ICU Floor Routine...
Green Lake Swimmer Grows Impressive Tail
Friends and family of longtime Green Lake swimmer Lloyd Davidson are marveling today at the new, scaled appendage that’s now rippling from his tailbone.
“Oh,...
Jenny Durkan’s Heart and 7 Other Places to Cool Off This Weekend
If you’re looking for a place to cool off during this unprecedented scorcher in Seattle, where a majority of us do not have AC,...
