After a year of witnessing his ex-wife MacKenzie follow through on her Giving Pledge commitment to donate most of her $38 billion divorce settlement fortune to charities, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos reportedly checked in with his personal accountant today just wondering if he could still write off all her charitable donations.
“Um, no …?” said his as-of-this-afternoon former accountant Phil Langley, according to sources. “You guys got divorced two and a half years ago?”
Undeterred, Bezos said that upon further investigation he’s pretty sure he can continue to get write-offs on whatever he wants to continue hardly paying anything in taxes despite being the second-richest man in the world.
“Look, it’s hard enough that I no longer have an empathetic spouse to distract everyone from what a shameless narcissist I am – now I can’t even write off the more than $10 billion in donations she’s made to people in need?” Bezos said, shaking his head in an exclusive interview with The Needling. “If you think about it, it’s not really fair. Who earned all that money by treating thousands of workers as less than human and paying off whatever government officials I needed to avoid paying taxes? That’s right – me. Ugh, at least I didn’t let my former wife guilt me into actually signing away most of my $193.3 billion fortune with the Giving Pledge like Bill Gates. Looooser! Simps like that are never gonna make it to Jupiter.”
At press time, the eyes of millions of people were lighting up at the thought of Bezos heading to Jupiter.
