Andrew Yang Seen Licking Gum Wall Before Announcing Seattle Mayoral Campaign
Following his concession from New York City’s mayoral race, Andrew Yang was spotted this afternoon licking the famed Gum Wall in a desperate attempt...
Seattle Resentful Pete Holmes Corrupt Enough They Forced to Learn What City Attorney Does
Tensions are high today say thousands of Seattle voters furious that Pete Holmes is corrupt enough they’ve now been forced to learn what a...
Ivar’s Clam Found Shucked in Ongoing Surf-and-Turf Wars
Seattle’s beloved Ivar’s Clam was found shucked just off Pier 54 today, the latest victim in a long-running, citywide surf-and-turf war.
The violent feud began...
Chateau Ste. Michelle Confirms John Legend Concert Will Have Maskless Make-out Section
A day after releasing its 2021 Summer Concert Series schedule, Woodinville winery and event venue Chateau Ste. Michelle confirmed its sold-out John Legend concert...
Seattle Kraken Already Relocated to Oklahoma City
Seattle Kraken fans were crushed today after learning that the team’s ownership, Seattle Hockey Partners, has announced that the fledgling team assembled just yesterday...
Ted Cruz Tragically Still Alive at 50
After being forced to watch Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson return from space with no consequences for their continued pillaging of the planet and...
Independent Intergalactic Bookstore Already Out of Business
Despite being in space for less than 10 minutes, reports are pouring in that Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin venture into outer space has already...
‘No Labor Laws in Space,’ Mumbles Jeff Bezos at Press Conference
At a press conference the afternoon before Jeff Bezos blasts off into space on his Blue Origin rocket Tuesday morning at 6 a.m. Pacific,...
Experts Say Fear of Delta Variant Totally Acceptable Excuse for Avoiding People You Can’t Stand
Experts at the CDC have announced that using fear of the Delta variant of COVID-19 is a completely acceptable excuse for continuing to avoid...
Councilmember Mosqueda Recounts Harrowing Escape from Seattle Times Endorsement
Family and friends of Seattle City Councilmember Teresa Mosqueda are still counting their blessings tonight after the dedicated labor rights leader narrowly escaped a...
