If you’re looking for a place to cool off during this unprecedented scorcher in Seattle, where a majority of us do not have AC, The Needling highly recommends chilling out in one of the following locations this weekend:
- Go all-in on the bone-chilling environment inside Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan’s icy heart. With amenities so cold it’ll allow a whole neighborhood to be tear-gassed and assaulted for more than a week during the height of a pandemic, this joint might even be frigid enough numb your very soul.
- The Seattle Great Wheel will turn into a giant waterfront fan when its operator once again hits its forbidden TURBO button. Be sure to catch it before it spins off its moorings and skids across the Sound to Port Townsend.
- Benaroya Hall will be opening air-conditioned doors for homeless with proof of season tickets to the Seattle Symphony.
- In partnership with Pacific Place, The Seattle Center International Fountain will be turned on for those who show up with an at least $15,000 receipt from Tiffany & Co.
- Cross Lake Washington to browse The Shops at The Bravern after passing a free credit check to ensure a FICO score of 810 and above.
- Tim Eyman is allowing everyone to run through his neighbor’s sprinklers if they sign a new petition legally renaming State Attorney General Bob Ferguson’s title to “Mr Poopyface.” Anyone who donates to a fundraiser for his $2.6 million in campaign finance fines also gets a cooling spin on his stolen Office Depot chair!
- Purchase a whole Copper River king salmon at Pike Place Fish Market and they’ll let you lay in the ice for a few minutes.
- Hang out with your favorite heroes, Moderna, Pfizer and J&J, inside a local vaccine freezer. After you’ve nearly frozen your lips off kissing every precious vial of the fluid that saved you this year, grab a few for the road with an injection needle on your way out to jab your nearest anti-vax kin. You’ll be the coolest person in town.
