Confetti at Randy Johnson Number Retirement Unveiling Just Feathers
As fans unveiled Mariners legend Randy Johnson’s retired number tonight, many were delighted to discover the confetti raining down on them was actually an...
Artemis II Astronauts Say Microsoft Teams Not Working Either
After experiencing a Microsoft Outlook outage shortly after entering orbit this week, today Artemis II astronauts reported that Teams was also not working either...
Seattle Concludes Month of Pretending It Ever Wanted to Take Train to Bellevue
A month after Sound Transit finally opened its much-anticipated Crosslake Connection light rail stations, this week Seattle residents formally concluded their impressive, four-week run...
Transplant Celebrating 10 Years in Seattle Fears It’s Too Late to Ask How To Pronounce Sequim
One transplant’s 10-year Seattle anniversary turned from nostalgic celebration to a source of anxiety today after he realized that he might have waited too...
Officials Gather to Celebrate First Crosslake Light Rail Commuter to Flip Off Rush Hour Traffic
This morning local officials gathered aboard the 2 Line to celebrate the historic first crosslake light rail commuter to flip off I-90 Bridge rush...
Mercer Island Leaves Home Alone-Style Traps All Over New Light Rail Station
Before its Crosslake Connection light rail station between Seattle and the Eastside officially opened to the public Saturday morning, Mercer Island residents reportedly spent...
M’s Run Short on New Ferry Food Trays, Replacements Expected by 2032
After almost completely selling out of much-anticipated ferry food trays on Opening Day today, Mariner food vendors announced their stock of ferries may not...
‘Doesn’t Get Much Better Than This,’ Says Seattle Man Enjoying 37-Minute Window of Sunshine at Gas Works
After a long stretch of rain, one local man expressed his gratitude for a 37-minute window of sunshine he enjoyed at Gas Works Park...
Entire City of Vancouver, WA Gladly Self-Deports to Vancouver, BC
After years of everyone being confused about why it was in the United States culminated in several ICE agents threatening them if they dared...
Mariners Marketing Dept. Too Nervous to Hit Publish on Randy-Dumper Beef Bowl Promotion
After revealing a slate of exciting new menu items including a Washington State Ferry food tray Tuesday, the Mariners are reportedly still too nervous...
