Before its Crosslake Connection light rail station between Seattle and the Eastside officially opened to the public Saturday morning, Mercer Island residents reportedly spent the entire night installing Home Alone-inspired traps all across it.
“This is my island – I have to defend it,” said a defiant Mercer Island Mayor David Rosenbaum as he painted tar over the station’s stair and escalator steps. “You guys over there, you got the flame torch contraption ready for anyone who tries to use the elevator?”
Rich island homeowners long scared of riffraff who can’t afford to get where they need to by either Land Rover or limo driver pitched in with creating all the booby-traps they could.
“Okay, paint cans ready to swing down and hit anyone who dares step off the train—check. Feathers and fan ready for anyone who walks through the gluey saran wrap—check. Kenny G on sax–check,” said one organizer. “Now, where’s the crate of tarantulas? You forgot?! Goddamnit, this is why we couldnt stop this light rail line from being built in the first place, Kemper.”
Asked for futher comment before being arrested for vandalizing and obstructing use of a public resource, Mayor Rosenbaum shouted “Try and catch me!” as he flew away on a zipline to Kirkland.
