Epidemiologists Trace Origin of New COVID Subvariant Name ‘Kraken’ to Rabid Canucks Fan
After weeks of investigating the source of the new COVID subvariant name, Kraken, today epidemiologists at the University of Washington confirmed it definitely came...
Macklemore Spotted Lurking Near Climate Pledge Arena Just in Case Kraken Need a Rally Song
With baseball season over and hockey season underway, today local musician Macklemore was spotted lurking near Climate Pledge Arena just in case the Kraken...
Russell Wilson Quietly Hoping There’s Also ‘Denver Freeze’ to Explain Lack of Fans
Following Russell Wilson’s chilly reception to start the Denver chapter of his career, the quarterback is reportedly hoping there’s also a “Denver Freeze” to...
Scientists Predict Ice in Climate Pledge Arena to Melt by End of Season
Just days before the Seattle Kraken’s first regular season home game this Saturday a disturbing new scientific study out today says that the ice...
Quiz: Is It Organ Failure or Did You Just Watch That Mariners Game?
Your knees are weak, there’s an unmistakable taste of bile in your mouth, and your stomach feels like you’ve just eaten a half-dozen questionable...
Fremont Troll Clarifies Kraken Mascot Only Related by Marriage
After the Seattle Kraken unveiled their new mascot, Buoy, was the nephew of the Fremont Troll, the beloved local bridge troll was quick to...
God Clears Schedule to Watch Russell Wilson Smite the Seahawks
Ahead of a Monday Night Football matchup between the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos, God has reportedly cleared his schedule to watch Russell Wilson’s...
Mariners Wear New All-Leather Uniforms to Edge Fans for One Last Day
The Mariners surprised the sold-out crowd at T-Mobile Park today with all-leather home alternate uniforms to better edge their fans’ playoff division series hopes...
Adam Frazier Bobblehead Night Mix-up Sends Mariners Fans Home with Frasier Figurines
Mariners fans were confused AF today after a manufacturing mix-up ahead of Adam Frazier Bobblehead Night instead sent attendees home with a figurine of...
UW Quarterback Michael Penix Hasn’t Heard That One Before
After 22 years of living with the name Michael Penix Jr., the Husky star quarterback reported with delight at a pre-game press conference that...
