Natalie’s Boyfriend Sweeps WA Primary with Flood of ‘Uncommitted’ Votes
As the first wave of Washington state primary election results came in Tuesday night, it became quickly clear that Natalie’s boyfriend Trevor had already...
Seattle Makes Appointment For STI Screening After Gum Wall Spreads to Bezos Balls
A panicked Seattle made a last-minute doctor's appointment for an STI screening today after noticing the gum wall had spread all the way to...
Green Lake Coyote Just Trying to Get in 10,000 Steps Before Animal Control Called
Anxiously glancing over its shoulder as it trotted past the
Green Lake Boathouse, a Seattle-area resident coyote expressed hope it could
reach its daily step goal...
SPD Speeds Up Response Times After Telling Officers There’s Cocaine at Every Crime Scene
After it was widely reported that it took 20 minutes for Seattle Police Department officers to arrive at a shooting scene with a victim...
George Washington Actually Thinks He Looks Pretty Dumb on State Flag Too
After generations of Washingtonians looking at him weird, today former U.S. President George Washington broke centuries of silence to say that he actually thinks...
Sound Transit Clarifies People Can Soon Ride Lines 1 and 2, Not Go Number 1 and 2
Jubilation across the Seattle area that people would soon finally be able to go number one or two at any of Sound Transit’s light...
King County Public Health Asks That If You’re Freakin,’ Please Call a Crisis Hotline, Not Beacon
Today King County Public Health advised local residents who may be freakin’ to contact the Crisis Connections Hotline and not call Beacon.
“I know the...
Bruce Harrell Touts Gingerbread Village As Solution to Housing Crisis
Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell embraced the Season of Giving and gave an early Christmas present to the city’s homeless population today by announcing that...
Aroma of Tacoma Returns After Bullshit Verdict Drops in Manuel Ellis Case
The aroma of Tacoma re-emerged today with brutal force after an enormous pile of bullshit was dropped in a Pierce County courtroom where three...
Man Discovers He Actually Lives in Kenmore, Not Bothell
A three-year investigation into why Pagliacci Pizza delivery boys could never find Doug Frankel’s Bothell-based address has concluded that he does not, in fact,...
