Local Sleuth Traces Anxiety Attack to Ninth Cup of Coffee
After conducting an investigation so riveting true crime podcasters are already clawing over each other to tell her story, area Detective Benita Collins confirmed...
Seattleite in Vancouver Launches Formal Investigation into WTF That Is
A Seattle resident visiting Vancouver, B.C this weekend confirmed today that she’ll be launching a formal investigation into whatever the fuck that thing that...
‘I Just Can’t Bring Myself to Cook in the Summer,’ Says Man Who Doesn’t Cook in the Fall, Winter or Spring
After smashing the food delivery button for the second time in 12 hours, Maple Leaf's local restaurant savior Henry Woodbury confessed tonight he just...
Bar Patron Kicked Out for Being Unvaccinated Misses Halcyon Days of Getting Kicked Out for Being Belligerent
Shortly after Linda’s Tavern on Capitol Hill kicked him out for being unvaccinated, local bar patron Sean Upchuck says he just wishes everything could...
Ivar’s Clam Found Shucked in Ongoing Surf-and-Turf Wars
Seattle’s beloved Ivar’s Clam was found shucked just off Pier 54 today, the latest victim in a long-running, citywide surf-and-turf war.
The violent feud began...
Rainier Beer Unveils New Seattle-themed Seltzer Flavors Green Lake Water, Dick’s Deluxe and Gum Wall
Iconic Seattle beer brand Rainier has recently announced that they are hopping on the red-hot hard seltzer wave, revealing a bevy of new locally...
Junebaby Releases New Walkout Menu
Following its temporary closure due to a pandemic of famous chefs like Edouardo Jordan sexually harassing and exploiting women on staff, today local award-winning...
Kitchen-Dick, Woodcock Roads Finally Join OnlyFans
Decades-long diehards for steamy, Olympic Peninsula couple Kitchen-Dick Road and Woodcock Road are in luck tonight as the pair announced they’ve finally joined OnlyFans.
“We...
Trail Blown Up by Social Media Post
A beautiful hiking trail spot in the Olympic Mountains was blown out into fiery smithereens today after a ne’er-do-well hiker geo-tagged gorgeous photos of...
Mom Insists Waiting In Line For ‘Original Starbucks’ Worth It
Disregarding repeated protests from her grown daughter, Ohio mother Susan Varlick insisted that no line could be long enough to keep her from getting...
