‘Everything Is Back To Normal,’ Says Inslee for Some Reason
Following what appeared to be a bright light quickly dissipating from the ether, Governor Jay Inslee stated a simple televised address to the entire...
Single LGBTQ+ Employee Paraded Through Company Like Stanley Cup
In a historic first for the local corporate offices of SalesPusher.com, its senior marketing team’s staff victoriously acquired its first LGBTQ+ employee and promptly...
Pioneer Square Man Ranting About Decline of Humanity Actually Just Dori Monson
Several local citizens today discovered a disheveled Pioneer Square man ranting about Seattle’s demise via cannibalistic homeless gangs and The Seahawks to be none...
Thought of New Fast & Furious Film Only Thing That Kept Man Going Through Pandemic
While many turned to the support of family, friends, or newfound hobbies to endure the long lockdowns of 2020, it was the prospect of...
Lone Black Employee Given Honor of Creating, Running Diversity Committee
In an unprecedented and grand gesture to celebrate their commitment to diversity, local law firm Piper, Hitler, & Jenkins paid homage to accountant Jeni...
Amazon Prime Day Leak Reveals List of Local Politicians You Can Buy
An Amazon.com Prime Day website glitch today accidentally revealed a list of deals on local Seattle politicians who can apparently be bought at a...
Junebaby Releases New Walkout Menu
Following its temporary closure due to a pandemic of famous chefs like Edouardo Jordan sexually harassing and exploiting women on staff, today local award-winning...
Loud Car Crash Unites Neighborhood More Than Pandemic Ever Could
A quiet street in Green Lake experienced an unprecedented moment of unity today after a loud car crash sent residents pouring out of their...
Man Can’t Believe Buy Nothing Group Not Pouncing on Half-Eaten Box of Waffles
A Ballard man has been left in disbelief today after not even a single member of his local Buy Nothing group showed interest in...
Seagulls, Pigeons Cheer Return of Tourist Trash to Seattle After Dismal Summer of 2020
After a tough summer last year, seagulls and pigeons say plentiful sights of tourists’ irresponsibly discarded gum packages, Piroshky Piroshky wrappers and Starbucks cakepop...
