God Crushes Earth in Hydraulic Press for TikTok Video
The Judeo-Christian God went viral today on TikTok after placing the planet earth within his at-home hydraulic press and crushing it until it exploded...
Improv Team Relieved There’s New Variant to Blame for Low Show Attendance
Initially worried people simply didn’t want to watch a 25-minute, long-form improv set at 7 p.m. on a Tuesday, local improv team Lisa Frank’s...
Uber Introduces ‘UberTrunk’ for Riders Desperate to Avoid Human Contact
Uber Black. Uber Pool. The ill-advised Uber Lap. The popular ride sharing service has tested the waters with numerous configurations, but the company has...
Bellevue Dad with COVID Ready to Spend Quality Time Infecting His Kids
Extolling the virtues of work/life balance in a heartfelt LinkedIn post today, Bellevue tech executive Bryan Anderson announced this week that he’s excited to...
Local Homeowner in Critical Condition After Witnessing Homelessness
A local Madison Park homeowner is in critical condition at Harborview tonight after tragically witnessing the reality of homelessness in Downtown Seattle this afternoon.
“I...
Crafty Millennial Just Builds House Out of Avocado Toast
A local cash-strapped millennial stunned neighbors and became an overnight DIY TikTok sensation this week by building the first and likely only home he’ll...
Date Fails to Impress with Dave Matthews Encounter Story
Despite a carefully honed exposition designed to hold suspense until his tale’s climactic reveal, tonight Ravenna resident Jacob Bransen failed to impress Tinder date...
‘Just a Reminder That the Corporate Office Has A/C,’ Reads Helpful Email from Satan
Just as local remote workers were set to begin another sweltering day at home chained to their laptops this morning, they were reportedly reminded...
MOHAI Curator Wakes Up from Nightmare About Acquiring Gum Wall
After a tormented night of believing the Gum Wall would be the next Seattle landmark getting donated to MOHAI to make way for construction...
Passengers Banging in Amtrak Bathroom Join New Low Club
Forgoing the classic thrills of the mile high club, one adventurous couple decided to hit a new low today after banging in the bathroom...
