Experts Warn of Toxic Algae Ghosting After Giving You Weird Rash
With another warm weekend on tap, experts are cautioning people against having one last summertime fling in local lakes filled with toxic algae that...
Report: Idiot from Seattle Can’t Even Pronounce ‘Puyallup’
State education officials are reeling today following the release of a report indicating one Seattle simpleton could not even pronounce the city name of...
‘My Partner Lives in Angle Lake,’ Says Person Who Definitely Does Not Have Partner
Seattle resident Becca Burns is accused of lying today after telling friends and family that her new smart and hot partner resides in Angle...
Ichiro Hits Own Ceremonial First Pitch for Leadoff Double
Mariners legend Ichiro Suzuki kicked off his own Hall of Fame Weekend with a bang today after he stunned the sold-out crowd by hitting...
Quiet Quitting Run Amok? This Woman Didn’t Think About Work for 9 Entire Minutes
Confirming local business managers’ worst fears that Gen Z and millennial workers would take this new quiet quitting TikTok trend too far, several witnesses...
Local 57-Year-Old Still Enjoying ‘Young Adult’ Status at Church
While some bemoan the dwindling numbers of faithful Christian followers at churches all across the Pacific Northwest, local 57-year-old churchgoer Sarah Bostwick says she’s...
Dan Price Offering Everyone in America $70k to Forget All About This
In an unprecedented gesture of generosity—the likes of which the capitalist establishment has never seen—local former CEO Dan Price announced today he’s offering every...
How to Mentally Prepare Yourself for the Mariners’ Season to Collapse Like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge
It’s mid-August and right about now a familiar thought creeps into the back of every fan’s mind—when is this whole thing going to fall...
New Seattle Mask Policy is Vague Sense of Shame No Matter What You Do
As Covid numbers surge once again, today Seattle and King County officials instituted a new local mask policy of feeling a small, nagging sense...
Portland Formally Requests To “Crash On Seattle’s Couch For A Few More Weeks”
A handwritten message on the back of a bar receipt found early this afternoon confirms that Portland, Ore. has officially requested to extend its...
