A local Madison Park homeowner is in critical condition at Harborview tonight after tragically witnessing the reality of homelessness in Downtown Seattle this afternoon.
“I don’t know what this sicko who is so poor they can’t afford shelter was thinking, but as soon this innocent homeowner turned the corner onto 3rd, they were assaulted with the visual of a country with gargantuan income inequality problems,” said Seattle Police Department spokesman Officer Rich Byrne. “The victim asked the homeless man again and again to just not be poor and have a house, but he just wouldn’t stop being someone who only can only afford to sleep on a sidewalk tonight.”
The homeless assailant was fortunately apprehended and charged with reckless poverty by City Attorney Ann Davison.
“Do you know how close that poor homeowner got to not thinking of himself as the victim of homelessness for a second? Dangerously close,” said Davison, shaking her head. “What’s next—equitable corporate and income taxes to give these poverty-wielding people the consistent and sustainable support they need to get off the street for good? These homeless people and their advocates make me sick.”
At press time, a Harborview spokesman said the victim’s condition had unfortunately deteriorated after a hospital roommate with a full-time job and health insurance attacked him by crying over inescapable medical bill debt.
